I'm probably not much better at this than you. But let's get started with a defintion
1. The act of reconciling, or the state of being reconciled; reconcilenment; restoration to harmony; renewal of friendship.
2. Reduction to congruence or consistency; removal of inconsistency; harmony.
After a serious fight or engagement, you may want to settle your differences, without necesarily conceding ground. This could be with your parents or with someone else you know. It might be useful if there has been a serious breach of trust by either or both parties and escalation of hostility has failed to resolve anything. It may even be that you perceive that you enemy has more things planned. Thing is, that any battle costs time, energy and resources, so perhaps reconciliation is to minimize the expendeture of resources on your part and perhaps too the counter-party involved.
I could probably write a whole eBook on this topic alone, so lets keep it brief and to the point.
Both parties agree on a set of rules such as:
Each Party can describe the way they feel
If one party makes a factual error, the other party is not permitted to ???correct??? the mistake
Neither party may pass judgment on the other party
The result is intended to understand the other party???s position and it will not result in anyone being right or wrong.
One more rule that both parties must agree to, What either party says about the way they feel must be kept in confidence ??? by that I mean neither party should disclose the other party???s feelings to friends or publicly via any method but if one party is under 18 then the exception to non-disclosure would be someone that the minor trusts who is looking after the minor's interests. Still, have common sense in your discussions.
Remember, however, if you are dealing with a devious parent then they may still try and slip in a few accusations or guilt trips.
That???s correct. If you argue with my belief that you are a rainbow alien from Neptune then it may appear to me that you are setting up a defense to argue that in fact no harm was done, since you don???t come from Neptune. This defeats the process of reconciliation since you are setting up defenses for action taken, then I would get angry that you are avoiding, denying or diluting the issue about how I felt.
A: ???I was scared that you were going to abduct me and take me back to Neptune, since I thought you were a rainbow alien???
B: ???Don???t be ridiculous, because I am NOT a rainbow alien ??? they don???t exist!???
Alternatives to consider in responding to that does not involve arguing over the facts might include
Sympathetic : ???I feel sad that you were scared??? (you experience emotion)
Empathetic: ???I can see why you felt scared??? (you understand the emotion but don???t necessarily feel it)
Neither: ???I don???t see why that is scary for you??? (you don???t understand why that was scary)
If you ask a question like ???do you really believe that I???m an alien from Neptune???? might get an answer like ???at the time I did??? so it still hasn???t addressed the fear I had of being abducted by you, the (alleged) rainbow alien from Neptune. Just asking questions wouldn???t actually resolve the issue about how I felt. Whether the threat of being abducted by an alien was real or not, I am stating that is exactly what I perceived and felt at the time.
It may not resolve anything. That's not the point. Its purpose is to remove hostility from the situation. It may be that after hostility is resolved, then in-roads can be made. Sometimes it's the case and sometimes not.
Now if you need to reconcile with your parents, you might want to use some tact, so maybe think about how to approach the matter "I want to talk about this without arguing" or "Lets talk but not if you are going to keep blaming me for what happend"